A Hill of Beans

One thing that all living creatures have in common is the need to shit.

We can avoid the subject in conversation.
We can dress the subject in a fancy cloak of obscure words and phrases.
We can even pretend that the matter doesn’t exist.
…..but we cannot avoid the process itself.

Excrement, poop, manure, crap, scat, ‘number twos’, faeces call it what you will, it’s still shit. However, for the purposes of this article and to save the puckered lips of those more easily offended by this subject, I will use the simple word ‘dung’ to refer to the matter that is passed out of the bowel. Dung is a nice tuneful word that almost belies the nature of the product.

All Dung is Not Alike

Each animal has it’s particular dung format according to what it eats, plus a few other factors better reserved for medical journals. Some dung is wet when released, some is dry, some of it is almost odorless whilst another animal will have you retching your guts out at the first whiff.

Dogs, naturally, like to deposit theirs on pathways for passers-by to sniff, comment on and step in.

Horses will leave their huge buns anywhere they like.

Cows prefer to leave it somewhere that humans can’t avoid treading in it.

Goats like to do it all over their food.

Human babies love to play with it!

For the Llama though, dung is a community project. Like deer, moose and goats, Llamas dung is packaged in pellet form, neat little beans with very little odor to offend the dull human senses. Not only do llamas like to use the same places over and over again, but they will actually form an orderly queue to use the pile or if they cannot wait (having been stimulated by seeing another animal defecating) they will line up side by side to use the communal ‘washroom’. As a brief aside, the North American term ‘washroom’, had me both worried and perplexed when I first visited Canada. Having asked someone if there was a toilet nearby I could use, I was greeted with a furrowed brow and directed to a ‘washroom’ at the back of the store. I only hoped there would be a toilet in the washroom! – Did I offend the sensitivities of these people by openly talking of such a vulgar object? I have since heard this term bizarrely twisted into a reference of a ‘puppy going to the washroom on the floor’. Eh?

I digress.

Llamas do it in piles. Big piles. These piles are mostly distributed around the perimeter of their territory as markers and as mentioned previously, when one Llama in a herd goes, more are sure to follow since they ‘stimulate’ each other into marking. Llamas prefer not to crap in their own stalls or houses and can actually be trained where to make the piles! Simply take a bucket of beans and deposit a few scoops of beans around the edge of the field where you would prefer the piles to be. The herd will be sure to follow your example.

Occasionally, you might see some odd behaviour around the bean pile.
The Bean ‘Sniff’ – the llama takes a deep whiff of the beans and then throws its head up in the air with mouth open. This is assumed to be in response to a hormone deposited in the urine of one of the pile visitors.
The Bean ‘Snuff’ – the animal snorts a few crushed beans to stimulate a sneezing fit, presumably this is a deliberate attempt to clear their nasal passages.
The Bean ‘Chew’ – we have seen our llamas, on several occasions, actually chewing beans. We can only presume that this is required to stimulate bacterial growth in the digestive system or to ingest a particular mineral or other element not available elsewhere…..or maybe it just tastes good!

Low odor coupled with the ease of collection from the dung piles makes Llama manure an excellent choice for gardeners. The dung is not too ‘hot’ and won’t burn the plants if used in moderation. The beans remain whole for a long time when loosely scattered, yet release nutrients for the plants when the garden is watered.


Make The Worlds Ultimate Natural Fertilizer, Colloidal Humus, Without Bins, Turning Or Odor

Nutrient release can be speeded up by making a Llama bean ‘tea’. Simply put a scoop of beans into a bucket of water. Leave it to steep for an hour or more and then sieve into a watering can and serve as normal to the plants.

Like all manures, the beans will stimulate leaf growth, so care is required where leaf growth is not the desired result.

As a garden soil additive, compost the beans first for best results. They also make an excellent additive in a compost bin. Just throw in a bucket of beans every so often. Too much and your strawberries will be all leaf and no berry!

It’s a good idea to ‘harvest’ the beans regularly to prevent the piles getting too large and encouraging parasites. Harvesting a whole pile and placing some beans in a small pile nearby will allow the grass to return thick and lush to the old pile site.

The usual banal health warnings apply to llama beans:

Keep out of reach of small children with pea shooters - beans make first-rate ammunition!
Not suitable for casseroles.
If ingested, chew thoroughly to prevent choking!

All in all, llamas do amount to a hill of beans. (I’ve been trying to find a use for that phrase for weeks!)